How to Help Kids Deal with Disappointment during the Pandemic
If you’re anything like me, you’ve been spending a lot of time lately dealing with a deluge of information. Alerts are constantly popping up with the most recent parcels of news. Every retailer that’s ever gotten within sniffing distance of your email has made sure you are up to date with how exactly they are promising they are handling COVID-19 (oh I swear what they mean, at this moment, please buy everything). Social media is alight with laments of the lack of toilet paper in stores. Parents are sharing articles suggesting things to do with your kids if you’re limited to your place of residence for a period of time.
But here’s what hasn’t been coming to my inbox and newsfeed: how to deal with the emotion of it all. Events are being canceled, and it’s frustrating and sad. But imagine it from a younger perspective.
Annie Spratt via Unsplash
For many kids, especially those involved in organized activities, March through May is typically the time of preparing for “final” events. They’re deep into rehearsals for dance, music, or theater performances. Sports teams are reaching playoff seasons. In school, they may have been planning for or looking forward to an end-of-year event or field trip. Now, they’re faced with the possibility (or reality) of those things being canceled.
A quote from Star Trek: The Next Generation (one I’ve often seen shared through my social media feeds) has been running through my head through all of this. After being beaten by a grand master in a game, Data comes to believe that he must be malfunctioning. Captain Picard ultimately tells him, “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life.”
From an adult perspective, it’s easy to criticize how things are being handled, but I ask you to look at this from a kid’s perspective.
Your kid has been putting in the effort—they’ve worked hard in their dance class or sports practice. They’ve participated in fundraising. They’ve learned lines, they’ve spent extra time at home working on skills. Or maybe they’ve really been looking forward to a single event with an almost obsessive focus. From their perspective, they’ve done everything right; they’ve done all the things that they’re told they need to do to succeed. They’ve committed no mistakes. But now, because of something outside their control, they’re going to lose. And for many kids, not only is this the first time they’re learning this very tough lesson, but they are getting hit with it again and again. Even for an adult who already has dealt with such things before, it’s hard. When you’re experiencing it for the first time? It’s devastating.
So, what can we, the parents, guardians, relatives, and friends, do?
We help them manage it. If they’re upset, commiserate and console. If your kiddo doesn’t handle sudden changes in direction well, prepare them for the idea. Be as honest and open as is appropriate for their age and maturity level. Explain to them why things are shutting down and what COVID-19 is (if they don’t already know). Remember that they will be taking their cues for how to respond to this from you.
And don’t forget to give them a little bit of leeway—most people’s emotions are running high.
I used all of this when it came to the trip that my (eight-and-a-half-year-old) geekling and I were planning for spring break. We had various conversations about how the pandemic was affecting life for the near future. A day or two later, we moved from “possibly” to “probably” when it came to the trip being canceled and discussed what would happen if that happened. Then, once we got the official word that Legoland would be closed at least through the end of the month, we talked about what our options were. She was still very sad, but it wasn’t shocking, and it was easier for her to handle.
We also talked about the difference between something being canceled and something being postponed, and how “postponed” means it will likely still happen but not in the time frame we were hoping. I’ve been up front with her about information that is relevant to her. This doesn’t mean I’ve been sharing every bit of possible information; there’s no need to cause excessive worry. (You know your kidlet best—if they’re likely to experience more worry over plans potentially being affected, then don’t add to it. Sometimes more information can make it better, but sometimes it makes it worse.)
At the same time, I’ve been very careful to not make promises I can’t keep. I can promise that if it’s within my power, she and I will still take our trip, possibly at the end of summer or during a fall break. I just can’t promise that it will 100 percent happen with no further disruptions, and I’ve been honest about that with her.
Annie Spratt via Unsplash
Lastly, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Chances are you’ll be giving bad news to your kids again and again during this pandemic, and that type of emotional labor can be draining. Plus, all of this will be on top of your own frustrations and disappointments. Do something for yourself: watch a favorite movie, take a walk, talk to a friend or partner, or do whatever else you need to give yourself a chance to replenish your own emotional reserves.
If you need resources for how to talk to your kids about COVID-19, try these guides reputable organizations:
And don’t forget—if you’re struggling, there are always the various Twin Cities Geek online communities. You can find us on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Slack (where we have two dedicated channels for coronavirus news and discussion), Discord, and more. A lot is unknown, and that’s scary, but we’re here!
Follow @TwinCitiesGeeks on Twitter or Like Twin Cities Geek on Facebook for more great stuff from Minnesota geeks in your feed!
About the Author
Rae Black
As an impressionable middle schooler, Rae was led to the geek side through family traditions and Science Olympiad team members. It spiraled from there. In addition to Twin Cities Geek, she writes about life, passions, geekdom, parenting, and more at Starship Suburbia.
