The Character Alignments of 2023 Minnesota State Fair Foods, Rated

There is a special place in my heart for fair foods, from the universal classic funnel cake to the aggressively midwestern butter-dipped corn on the cob. Does anything hit that summer nostalgia trigger more than eating half your body weight in fried dough while feeling your shoulders prickle with incipient sunburn?

Fair foods have evolved since my childhood, but they remain a huge draw for many fair-goers, and this year’s list of new foods coming to the Minnesota State Fair certainly provides many compelling reasons to make the trek to the Great Minnesota Get-Together. But with so many options, how can you decide which to try first? In fine geek tradition, why not follow your character alignment?

Lawful Good: Crunchy Balboa

Minnesota State Fair

This appetizing sandwich follows all the rules for fair food: it’s deep-fried and neatly packaged to make eating with your hands clean and easy. What’s more, it’s fully vegan (not surprising from the Herbivorous Butcher), making it an indulgence that people with a wide range of diets can enjoy.

Lawful Neutral: Walleye Fritter Pops

Minnesota State Fair

Deep-fried and on a stick, this, too, checks all the boxes for a fair food. Quintessentially Minnesotan, fried walleye is also a safe choice for those intimidated by the more “adventurous” flavors offered by other options.

Lawful Evil: Donut Delights

Minnesota State Fair

Mini donuts are a fair staple across state lines, but these crank it up to 11 by putting them on a stick, deep-frying them, and loading them up with peanut butter and raspberry sauce. Truly a food that will make both your pancreas and your arteries weep.

Neutral Good: Smoked Beef Arepa

Minnesota State Fair

Maybe it’s not the kind of gut bomb that you’d expect from the state fair, but this Venezuelan staple looks and sounds absolutely delicious. I wouldn’t hesitate to order these from Midtown Global Market’s Arepa Bar, fair attendance not needed.

True Neutral: Lemon Sorbet

Minnesota State Fair

Can you get any more balanced than sorbet? Not as rich as ice cream, but still a treat. A completely inoffensive yet still satisfying choice for something sweet and cool after a long day of fried food under the burning sun.

Neutral Evil: Miami Mango Pickles

Minnesota State Fair

Pickles are standard at midwestern fairs, deep-fried or not. But Soul Bowl is taking your everyday dill pickles and twisting them in ways that just might twist your mind, should you dare try them.

Chaotic Good: Bacon-Wrapped Waffle Dog

Minnesota State Fair

This entry from Nordic Waffles is exactly the kind of culinary chaos I expect to find at the state fair: a hot dog wrapped in bacon served in a waffle with fried onions, pickles, and sauce. Is it extravagant? Yes. Does it look delicious? Also yes.

Chaotic Neutral: Paletas in Two Flavors—Dill Pickle Lemonade and Mini Donut

Minnesota State Fair

We’ve already established ice cream and other related treats as fairly neutral options in this chart. Adding in dill pickles and mini donuts, things also listed on their own, results in a treat that basically requires you to bite into a popsicle like an animal. Or at least like someone who doesn’t have sensitive teeth.

Chaotic Evil: Crispy Lutefisk Steam Bun

Minnesota State Fair

Okay, look. My alma mater served lutefisk in the week leading up to winter break. I know that people eat it. I know that some people view trying it as some sort of Minnesotan/Scandinavian rite of passage. I still think serving it is a bold choice, particularly considering there may be unsuspecting folks in the fair crowd who aren’t aware of lutefisk’s infamy. Does frying it cover up its … unique texture and flavor? I don’t know. I’m scared.

Make sure to check out the Minnesota State Fair website for the complete list of new foods this year! Which will you try?