When the Holidays Don’t Feel Merry or Bright

RDNE Stock Project via Unsplash

As I sit at my computer at home, I should be working on our Christmas newsletter. But the words aren’t coming. This year feels different. Usually, I live for the holiday season—the hustle and bustle, the twinkling lights, the general holiday aesthetic. For whatever reason, I find it hard to feel particularly merry this year.

And I’ve decided that’s okay.

Maybe you, too, aren’t feeling the holiday spirit. Maybe rather than comfort and joy, what you feel most keenly is the loss of someone close. Maybe the general state of the world makes it hard for you to appreciate the holidays this time around. Or maybe, like many others, you are just trying to keep your head above water with the rising cost of living and stagnated wages. Whatever your reason, you find season’s greetings ring hollow, and trying to “get into the spirit” feels more like going through the motions. You are not alone.

I think a lot of us are simply exhausted by blow after blow from these past few years. The pandemic. Increasing signs of climate change. The general political landscape. Wars and rumors of wars. It’s a lot to navigate.

No wonder I’ve heard so many people express that the holidays feel different this year. With everything going on, it can be hard to care about holiday traditions and such.

I’m not going tell you that there is still much to be grateful for, or whatever other useless platitudes people tend to peddle. Frankly, I don’t find that helpful. You are not a “Scrooge” or a wet blanket, you are a human who has seen decades’ worth of global turmoil occur in the span of a few short years, on top of whatever life has slung your way. Have some grace for yourself. Do what you have to do to take care of you. If that means letting this holiday season pass you by, so be it. Better that than trying to force it and ending up more exhausted and depleted than before.

Still, I’ll try my best to leave you with a bit of hope. I know there’s a lot going on in the world right now, and probably in our personal lives as well. But, as Mr. Rogers said, look for the helpers during hard or trying times. I want to take it a bit further. If you have the capacity—and it is absolutely okay if you do not—be one of the helpers. That could mean seeking out volunteer opportunities in your community, making a monetary donation, or something else entirely. There is no act so small or insignificant that it does not matter. Besides that, I find that focusing outside myself refreshes my perspective. And the act of helping can energize and bolster one’s own spirit, too.

Also, try to talk to someone about how and what you are feeling. Whether that is a friend, family member, therapist, or a journal, getting your feelings out in the open can help you unburden. I know I ought to take my own advice; I tend to bottle things up. I think a lot of us do. But being honest about our feelings can give others the opportunity to commiserate and support one another. No one should have to tackle this on their own.

Whatever your reasons, it is okay to feel less than jolly this holiday season, and you do not need to justify that. Just remember that you are not alone. It is not selfish to spend time and energy taking care of yourself. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

I’d like to leave you with the wise words Gandalf shared with Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring, when Frodo hears the history of the Ring from Gandalf:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

This holiday season, I wish you peace, hope, and rest. Be well, dear reader, and take care.